


Inside the Dark

by phantisma



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Delusions, Gen, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 18:38:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3178925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantisma/pseuds/phantisma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A possible ZPM on a planet with no native life beyond aggressive plants should be a walk in the park.  For John Sheppard, it becomes a terrifying race through the dark, accompanied only by the darkness he carries inside himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inside the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> This story is told in a non-linear, sort of disjointed way. 
> 
> In this world, Sam Carter is in charge of Atlantis, and Cameron Mitchell and Daniel Jackson have transferred there as well.
> 
> There is also a wee hint of possible John/Sam, but only a wee. (There's a John/Sam story currently bubbling in my brain, so it sort of snuck in here)

"Now I understand why you always have golf balls on your requisition forms." Cameron said, watching John line up his shot and swing, cursing when it hooked off to the left.

"Rodney keeps promising to build me some sort of ball fetching robot." John centered the ball on the mat and took another swing. This time the ball flew straight out over the pier, arcing up before sinking into the water. "Other things keep getting in the way."

"Little stuff like saving your ass?" Cameron asked, drinking deep of his beer before picking his golf club and handing his beer to John. 

"Not hardly." John responded with a huff. "I'm not the one who keeps ending up tied up and what was it the last time?"

Cameron raised an eyebrow and turned to look at him. "Really? Really, Sheppard? You want to compare notes?"

John smirked and gestured down the pier. "Take your damn shot."

Cameron grinned and focused on the ball, swinging and knocking it far enough out that he lost track of it long before it hit the water. "I've only been here two weeks, and you already ended up behind bars and needed my team to come bail you out."

"That…was a misunderstanding. It doesn't count." John countered, handing Cameron's beer back and taking his place for the next swing.

"Right." Cameron leaned back against the door frame behind him. "So if I were to say, bet you $20 that you'll be the first one of the two of us to have to put 'captured by the bad guys' on our mission reports…"

John turned and looked at him, grinning broadly. "Oh, yeah. I'll take that action."

Cameron finished off his beer and dumped the empty bottle into the bucket beside him. "You're on."

"Colonel Sheppard, Colonel Mitchell, please report to command."

"So much for our day off." John grabbed the clubs and Cameron the bucket of balls and beer and they headed back inside.

"Trouble?" Cameron asked as he fell into step beside John.

John shrugged. "Hard to say. Could be…could be Rodney needs an audience for some very important discovery."

"Is it wrong that I'm hoping for trouble?"

"Yeah, you haven't run into Pegasus Galaxy trouble yet. Just you wait. You'll be eating those words." John replied as they headed to the nearest transporter. "If they don't eat you first."

 

***

 

"He's stable for the moment."

John's half sure that voice is Dr. Keller, but he can't bring himself to open his eyes to find out.

"What do we know?" That was Cameron. He was sure of that. 

"I'm running two IVs to get him hydrated and pump him full of antibiotics for the infection. But I'm worried about the hallucinogenic. It's powerful, and coupled with the stimulant effect, he hasn't slept. I don't know how long. Possibly since before he left Atlantis."

"He looks like he's resting now." Carter. That was definitely Carter. Which meant he was back in Atlantis, he was safe. 

He opened his eyes just enough to confirm the thought. Sam, Cameron, Keller, Ronon…they were all there, just at the end of his bed. He was home.

_"Maybe it's a trick," a voice says beside him._

He didn't look. "No. Atlantis."

_"I'm just saying, they tricked you before."_

"No." He curled up tight, away from the voice. "Go away."

_He feels the bed dip beside him. "Me? I'm not going anywhere, John." There is warmth and comfort as a body spoons up against his from behind, familiar and it's easy to accept it. "You made me promise I wouldn't leave you."_

"Cam?" Cameron was looking at him now, realizing he was awake, coming toward him. John squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself back into the chaos of his mind.

"The fever has come down and I've got him sedated, but it's only keeping him down, he's not sleeping."

They were all there, close, looking at him and he couldn't stop from shrinking away, hiding behind the swirling memories and disappearing into the endless tunnels where nightmares were safer than the offered comfort of a hand that would only provide pain.

 

***

 

"Ronon, McKay, can you hear me?" John ducked under the fallen beam that was only barely holding up the hundreds of feet of rock and dirt that separated him from the surface. The tremor had collapsed the tunnel and blocked him from the exit. He pressed the button on the radio again. "Rodney, Ronon, come in." He pushed against the solid wall of rock and twisted metal and cursed under his breath. "Okay, on the off chance someone can hear me and I can't hear you, I'm cut off. There is no way out from here. I'm going to head further into the tunnels, see if I can find another exit."

He ducked back under the beam and over a pile of rocks, moving the light strapped to his gun around him slowly. He picked his way carefully until he found himself at a crossroads, with three tunnels branching off from the center, not including the one he'd just exited.

"Okay, McKay said the energy signature was east of the gate." He turned around, trying to remember the position of the tunnel relative to the gate to get his bearings. "Okay, east." He pointed to the middle tunnel, nodding to himself. He took a few moments to arrange some rocks and pieces of metal to make an arrow on the dusty floor pointing to the tunnel. "Hey, at least it isn't tied up," he said to himself, shaking his head as he headed down the dark tunnel.

The dark was nearly complete, but for his tiny light which barely showed him a foot or two ahead. He moved slowly, sweeping the light from side to side to try to see more of the tunnel. It was difficult to discern time or distance with the lack of light, but he had to guess he covered at least a few miles before the tunnel began to narrow, from a width about twelve feet across, down to barely three.

He hesitated, pressing the button on the radio again. "Rodney, Teyla, Ronon? Can anyone hear me?" Static was his only response. He sighed and shined his light into the narrowing tunnel, then back the way he came. "Here goes nothing." 

John moved into the narrowing space, keeping the light in front of him. With the walls closer he could at least see more as the light reflected off the light colored rock. He felt the stone a split second before he hit it, not enough time to pull back before he was falling forward, his body flailing as he dropped a few feet and splashed into a shallow pool of water. 

His radio squealed as he surfaced, spitting flat, earthy water out of his mouth and trying to get his bearings. "Nice one, John."

***

 

_Fire and ice race side by side through his veins as he shivers and tries to escape the pain. It follows him though, burning up from his bare feet and down through the naked skin of his back and chest as he stumbles in the dark. He hits a wall, yelling as his knee gives out and he falls to the floor, instinctively pulling his legs in close and ducking his head under one arm._

_The deafening pulse of sound abruptly stops and the darkness disappears into far, far too much light, making him pull in even closer, his eyes squeezing shut._

_Voices swirl around him, language he can't understand. Fingers poked at him, hands pull him up and shove him until he finds himself, back against the wall, his hands bound in coarse rope. He tries to open his eyes, but there is nothing to see as mammoth hands hold his head tightly, tipping it back as a large cup is brought to his lips. He fights, but they pry his mouth open and pour a dark, hot drink into his mouth, until he is forced to swallow lest they drown him in it._

_John regrets it almost instantly as the liquid burns down his throat, pulling itself down into his gut where it explodes inside him, making everything swim. He is pressed down, pushed until his back is against metal, laying on a metal floor. His feet are pulled through bars and tied together. His head fits through the other side, a metal plate sliding down to hold him in place. His hands held up as doors close over him, pressing him into the floor. The metal cuts into his wrists, just below his bonds. He is caged, unable to move as the darkness comes to life._

 

***

"No, go ahead. We'll get the next one." John said, gesturing to the gate.

"I do believe it is our turn." Cameron replied, turning to look at Daniel who nodded.

"Boys, how about you go where I tell you to." Colonel Carter said as she joined them. "John, Cameron and his team are going, I have something else for you."

"Just watch your backs." John said as the gate lit up.

"We know. Wraith in the area, scared population." Cameron chuckled. "I was in the same briefing." John followed Carter to the stairs, but stop when Cameron called his name. "Don't forget, twenty bucks."

John rolled his eyes and followed Carter to her office. "What was that about?"

"Nothing. Just a stupid bet. What's this mission?"

She took her seat and pulled up a file on the computer. "I've been over Rodney's summary of the findings on the planet that he thinks was an ancient ship building site. The records indicate that at least at one time there were as many as six ZPMs on the planet."

"Doesn't it stand to reason that when they abandoned the planet, they pulled the ZPMs, like we've seen before?"

"Which is why we sent a MALP through this morning. According to the limited readings we were able to gather, there is a reasonable chance that there is still one there, and it's still working."

"So you want us to go check it out."

She nodded. "No life signs, just a lot of jungle, some mountains and what was once a shipyard for ancient ships."

"Sounds easy enough." John stood. "I'll get the team together."

"Before you go, I should tell you what else was in the database about the planet."

John sat back down again. "Why do I think I won't like this part too much?"

She shrugged and sighed. "The reasons the shipyard was shut down had nothing to do with the Wraith or the war. The ancients had a difficult time controlling the vegetation, it seemed to overrun everything, and a lot of it is poisonous."

"That doesn't sound good." John frowned at her. "The ancients were driven out by plants?"

"The log says that it became a losing battle, and that combined with the seismic activity from the two volcanos was enough for them to eventually decide that it wasn't worth the effort and moved operations elsewhere." 

"So…we're going in hoping for a ZPM and getting out before the plants or the volcanos eat us."

"Pretty much."

"Got it." John stood again. "I think I would have rather gone with Cam."

She smiled. "I take it he's settling in well?"

"Yeah, Lorne's still a little miffed. He's been my second for a long time."

"Major Lorne will be happy soon enough, Colonel." She put a hand down on a stack of folders. "I've got something here for him too. Get your team ready, you move out in an hour."

 

***

 

_His screams echo around him, bouncing off the walls, amplified by the pulsing waves of abusive noise and thrown back at him with a force he can't understand. He's standing…or he thinks he is, face pressing into the stone wall, or maybe it's the stone floor, his hands held in place with metal of some kind, his back bleeding, though at the moment he can't remember why. He can feel it though, slow, thick blood cooling as it crawled down his torn up skin._

_The shadows move, but he can't tell if they're real or nightmares crawling out of the hole in his brain to live in his skin. He closes his eyes, squeezes them shut, but that doesn't stop him from feeling the inky darkness fingering its way over open wounds and clammy skin._

_There's a cool touch on his hand and he turns his head, scraping his chin on the rock. A hand covers his, pushing back the fear and he squints against the dark, his heart thumping against the stone. "You."_

_His voice is shattered like broken glass, cutting its way out of his throat and catching on the word. It's not real. It can't be. But it lets him breathe for the first time in forever. "Don't leave me." He gasps the words, half expecting that face to disappear into a swirl of shadow and dark._

_"Never," comes the response into the sudden void of sound. It's enough. He can rest. Maybe even sleep._

 

***

"I don't know if you can hear me or not, or understand me, but I figure you could use someone to keep you company."

He was restrained to the bed, in an isolation room. He had enough of his own self back to know all of that. They had restrained him because he had broken McKay's nose, convinced he wasn’t real, that he was there to hurt him.

It wasn't McKay sitting beside him though. His eyes were closed, heavy, thick and he couldn't seem to open them. He didn't need to open them to know it was Cameron sitting beside him. He swallowed and tried to make his fingers move, make his voice come out of his mouth, but the sedative that was keeping him from climbing the walls sat hard inside him, keeping him locked down and unable to do much more than lay on the bed and listen.

"Rodney's okay, by the way. Bitching like crazy, but okay. And Keller says that the your test show that you're still coming down. Carter's locked the address to that planet out of the system, put a warning in the database."

For the moment, John couldn't remember what he was coming down from or why or why Cameron's voice was coming from the left side of the bed, when Cameron was sitting on his right. But he could see Cameron on his right, even with his eyes closed. 

_Then he remembers. "You're not real."_

_"Are you sure?" Cameron asks, leaning over him toward the other Cameron's voice. "You can see and hear me."_

_"That's how I know." John responds, settling just that little bit more._ He was still mostly out of his mind, but he was on his way back. He just needed to remember which one was real and follow that voice out of the dark.

 

***

 

The smell of damp earth and green, growing things all but assaulted them as they stepped out of the gate, Rodney already nose down into his tablet, taking readings. "I don't see any shipyard, Rodney." John said, slipping on his sunglasses against the very bright glare of the sun.

"Sam did tell you the plants tend to overgrow everything." Rodney muttered. "Okay, power source is that way." He pointed and started walking, looking up when John grabbed his shoulder. "What?"

"Hold up a second."

"I thought this was a get in, get it, get out kind of mission." Rodney said.

John nodded, looking around them. The plant life was abundant, only a small radius around the stargate not over run by vines and trees. "Carter said that some of the plant life was dangerous. And any place that ran the ancients off is a place where I want to step carefully."

"Afraid you're gonna lose your bet?" Ronon asked, grinning. 

"There aren't any life signs. No life signs, no people." Rodney said, clearly exasperated with him. "The plants aren't going to tie you down or sacrifice you to some god. Just…don't eat any of them." 

"Good to know. Ronon, you're on point." John fell to the back, something unsettling him about the whole mission. A place that the ancients abandoned should never be taken so lightly.

Ronon led them into the forest, toward the spot where Rodney thought the ZPM might be. About a mile in, they could see the remnants of buildings and dirt gave way to rock, then metal, though the trees and vines had torn through it to engulf whatever they could. He could almost imagine he could see them growing. 

They stopped where a nearly solid wall of tree trunks blocked them and John looked over Rodney's shoulder to check their progress. "It looks like…" John stepped around Rodney and past Ronon to pull back some vines. "Yeah, not getting through there. We'll have to go around."

It took them nearly an hour to find a way around and back on track for finding the power source, only to find themselves face to face with a rock wall. "You still think this power source is out there?" John asked Rodney, wiping sweat from his face. 

"Yeah, that way." He gestured at the rock.

"Okay, I'm giving us a half hour to find a way around or through this, then I'm scrubbing the mission. We can come back with a jumper. Fan out." John moved along the wall, Rodney moving with him as Teyla and Ronon moved in the opposite direction. 

A few hundred feet passed before there was an opening big enough to drive two cars into. John stepped into the opening, turning on the light attached to his gun. 

"See anything?"

John shook his head. "I don't think it's entirely natural. Look at the corners."

Rodney stepped closer, squinting up at the ceiling before poking at his tablet. "The ceiling is man made…slight electric current. The ancients must have thought they could use the tunnels."

"Okay, stay put. I'm going to go part way in, see if I can tell anything." He took a step, then looked back at Rodney. "And get Ronon and Teyla over here."

His first clue that this was a bad idea was about fifty paces in when there was a slight tremor under his feet. "Rodney, did you feel that?" John asked into his radio.

"Feel what?"

"Never mind." He moved closer to the wall, examining it. He shined his light up overhead. "There seems to be wiring of some kind. Maybe there's a light switch. I'm going to….oh!" His footing slipped as the tunnel tilted downward and he landed hard on his ass, reaching out to his sides to slow his decline. "Damnit."

"Sheppard?" Ronon's voice echoed down to him.

"I'm fine, Ronon." John yelled, climbing to his feet. He couldn't see the opening any more and started to climb up the fairly steep slope. He was nearly at the top when he felt it again, a growing tremor, the ground growling and shifting under him, then suddenly the roof was coming down around him and he dove down the slope again, racing ahead of piles of stone and other debris.

 

***

 

_The air is cold against his heated skin, chilling the sweat, cooling the blood. It is quiet now, too quiet and he knows that means they will be coming, filling his body with their poison, sending him hurtling into the madness where nothing makes sense and everything hurts._

_He pulls himself up to the wall, his bloodied feet screaming at him as he uses them to push his body. He tries to count the hours, days…but for all he knows it's been weeks. He can't remember the last time he was allowed to sleep and thinks maybe he should try…but he knows it won't happen._

_He knows another round of the sound and light and drug might be his last, might break him. Not that he knows what they want. He hasn't seen faces, hasn't really been asked questions. He has no idea who they are or what they want._

_"You need to get out of here, John."_

_He nods. He knows. "Cam, I can't walk."_

_"You can. You have to."_

_John knows this too. He sits in the dark and thinks about escape. First they'll come and they'll hurt him, then pour the drug into him and lock him down. He had to get loose before they locked him down. "When they come, be ready." John whispers._

_The sound slithers around the small space and comes back to him, making him laugh._

 

***

 

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Keller asked with a soft smile.

"Better." John replied, though it hurt to talk still and his voice was little more than a whisper. The restraints were gone and he was pretty sure he'd actually slept some.

"Good. Your test results are looking much better. How are the hallucinations?" She stepped in close enough to check his pulse.

"Gone." It wasn't the truth, but it was close enough. He could tell the real from the not, and really the only not was him.

_"Liar," he whispers in John's ear._

"Good." Her smile was bright. She settled her stethoscope to her ears and leaned in to listen to his heart and breathing, nodding as she stood back. "You are doing much better. I'm going to get someone to come change the bandages on your feet and then I want to get you back under the scanner. Now that all of the junk is out of your system, I want to make sure there was no serious damage to any of your organs."

"Thanks, Doc."

He rested his head back against the pillow and waited. 

_"I'm still here, John." Cameron's voice says and he knows if he turns his head, he'll see Cam._

John didn't turn his head. He closed his eyes instead and let himself fall into a dozing sort of sleep. They would wake him when they needed him.

 

***

 

He managed to find his way out of the musty water and up onto the other side, sitting on warm rock to take stock of himself. He was drenched through to his skin and the water was oddly greasy, though he couldn't see well enough to know what was in it. He knew it tasted like crap…like dirty and stagnation and he didn't want to know what else.

His radio, usually fairly able to withstand water, was toast. It was still putting off sparks minutes after he had dumped it on the rock beside him. The gun was somewhat better, and the flashlight was still working, for the moment at least.

He pulled his vest off and unbuttoned his shirt, wiping at his skin distastefully. It was starting to itch. In fact, his feet were too. He pulled at the laces of his boots, taking his socks down to rub at skin that was suddenly hot and itching.

"Probably acid, John," he growled at himself. "And now you're down here, miles away from everyone and you're talking to yourself." He made himself stop scratching when it started to hurt more than whatever reaction he was having hurt. "Okay. Get your boots back on and get moving. There has to be another way out."

He got one boot on and nearly screamed. Something sharp had dug into his toe and his whole foot had started burning again. In fact, for an underground tunnel the whole place was hot.

"That's cause it isn't a tunnel, John, it's a fucking volcano." 

Okay, so no boots for now. Let them dry a bit first. He tied the laces together so that he could sling them over a shoulder and grabbed his gun. He could do this.

 

***

 

_The voices are closer now, following him as he crawls deeper into the dark, desperate to hide. Beside him Cameron is walking, smiling. "What are you smiling about? They catch us, they'll kill us."_

_"Only you, John. They can't hurt me. I'm not here."_

_He's leaving a trail and he knows it, but doesn't know how to stop. His skin is burning. He curls up next to the cold metal wall, exhausted and wired, terrified._

_"Ronon, slow down."_

_John sits up, his eyes wide in the mostly dark space. Light spills over the floor and he isn't sure whether to try to run or call out. A big shadow blocks the light. "Got him."_

_Relief floods him for a second, then hands are grabbing at him and pulling, and he fights against them, betrayed by his deluded mind, fights, but something hard slams into his face and he goes limp, unable to stop them from lifting him, hauling him back into the nightmare._

 

He has no idea how far he's gone, no idea how long it's been. Somewhere along the way he'd lost his vest, his boots. His shirt was about to join them, stiff with whatever had been in that water and foul smelling.

He's lost and he knows it, not even sure he could find his way back the way he came…no real idea which way that was. All sense of direction is gone. The air is thick with heat and a smell he can't escape. His head was swimming with it as he dumped his shirt on the ground, contorting in an effort to scratch all of the places that itched. 

His team had to be looking for him. They'd never find him though. 

Hunger gnawed at him and he knew he needed water, and soon. He froze mid scratch, sure he heard something…close, growling…claws on stone. "Great. I thought there were no life signs." He tried to see into the thick darkness, pulling his gun closer. He fired a quick burst in the direction of the noise and got moving again. 

"Just keep moving," he told himself.

_"Talking to yourself?"_

_John stops, looking around him and finding Cameron Mitchell leaning against the wall. "Cameron? What?" Relief floods his stomach, followed quickly by confusion. "Wait. How did you find me?"_

_He smiles and pushes off the wall, clapping a hand to John's shoulder and starting them walking again. "Been here waiting. Wanted to warn you. Trouble's coming."_

_John stops, frowning. "You…you're not really here, are you?"_

_Again Cameron smiles. "Don't worry about it, John. You've got bigger problems. You're about to lose our bet."_

_He can hear them now, voices echoing through the tunnel, coming for him. "I'd run, if I were you." Cameron says._

John agreed and took off as fast as he dared, grateful that the flashlight still worked.

 

***

 

John woke, aware suddenly of the entire infirmary, doctors moving around, patients restless, and beside him Colonel Carter. He opened his eyes slowly to confirm, offering a tight smile when she realized he was awake.

"How do you feel?"

"Getting tired of being asked that." John said, shifting so that he was off of his back which was tight with the healing wounds. "But better. Sleeping, so that's new."

She didn't smile at the humor, just folded her hands in her lap and bit her lip before looking up at him. "John, how much do you remember?"

He shook his head. "Not much, really." He inhaled and let it out slowly. "The tunnel caved in, and there was no way to get through it from my side. I left an sign which way I'd gone and went to find another way out." He shifted uncomfortably. "I remember falling into some water…uh…things get hazy after that. Running, getting grabbed, crazy hallucinations, pain, more running. I got away…found an abandoned ship…"

Sam's face was grim and she licked her lips lightly before standing and moving to the end of the bed and coming back again. "John, there were no other people on that planet."

John frowned at her. "Of course there were. Look at me."

Her hand touched his arm. "This is going to be hard for you to hear, John. The only people you encountered on that planet was our team sent to find you."

"Look at my back. Are you saying my team did that to me?"

She sat on the bed and took his hand. "No, John. I'm saying that you did. Dr. Keller confirmed that all of your wounds are self-inflicted, or sustained when Ronon and Cameron tried to contain you."

John shook his head. It didn't make any sense.

_"She's lying."_

He turned away from the voice. "I don't…I don't understand."

She nodded, caressing the back of his hand with her thumb. "I know. You were incredibly lucky we found you when we did. From what we can gather, the delusions started with the cave in. The dust spun up contained mold spores that you inhaled. The spores contained a powerful hallucinogenic and a strong stimulant. The water was filled with bacteria. You got pretty sick."

_"She's covering for them._

John rolled his head. "I don't…." He squeezed his eyes shut, tried to focus on the feeling of her hand on his. "I remember…hands, a cage…held down."

"We think that the injuries on your back and chest are from a combination of your scratching at the rash and catching it on rocks. You squeezed through some small passageways." Her thumb rubbed across the bruises at his wrist. "Ronon had to restrain you pretty hard, even after he punched you."

His free hand lifted to the sore spot on his jaw that he knew was sporting a big bruise. "That I vaguely remember…but in my mind it wasn't Ronon."

She smiled and nodded. "The important thing is that you're safe and you're getting better."

"None of it was real?" John asked, floundering a little with the idea. "I did it all to myself?"

_"You know it was, John. Maybe this isn't real. Maybe you're still there on that planet." Cameron is on the next bed, eating an apple, watching him_.

Except that John knew better. 

"We were a little worried that we wouldn't get you back." Sam said, her voice softer now. "You were so far gone." She swallowed and looked away.

"I'm sorry." John said, lifting their joined hands to press a kiss to her knuckles. "I'm back. I'm fine. Dr. Keller even talked about springing me soon."

"I know." Her eyes met his, deep and filled with concern. "Your feet aren't ready for it."

He grimace and looked around her at his still bandaged feet. "They took a beating…well, that's how I remember it." He smirked and she rolled her eyes. "I'm guessing rocks and stuff?"

"Yeah, they were really cut up. Ronon said at least one of the chambers they chased you through was covered in sharp volcanic rocks." She stood and let go of his hand. "I should let you sleep. Cameron told me to tell you to take your time. He's got things under control."

"Thanks." She leaned in and kissed his cheek, blushing a little as she pulled away. 

_"I did not see that coming." Cameron says, suddenly right beside him. "You and the boss lady?"_

_"Shut up." John replies._

He closed his eyes and settling back against his pillow.

 

***

 

_"Over here, John." Cameron's voice is a pitched whisper, pulling him toward the slightly lighter patch of dark. He thinks he's lost his pursuit, but it's hard to tell. He's shaking, his body nearly vibrating as he forces himself to keep moving on bleeding feet. "Can you see it?"_

_He leans around Cameron, blinking at the sweat dripping in his eyes. He thinks he sees metal, a hatch…a way out._

_John isn't sure, but he follows, stumbling and trying to keep upright. The hatch opens easily enough and he falls through, sliding on his own blood on what feels like a metal floor. It's just as dark inside and panic grips him. "Cameron?" he whispers it, even as he's sliding to the floor._

_He feels a cool hand on burning hot skin and the pressure of a body behind his. "Don't go. I don't want to die alone."_

_"You're not going to die, John." Cameron says softly in his ear. "And I'm not leaving."_

_"Promise?"_

_"Promise."_

It was still a few days before Keller released him, and then it was with orders to stay off his feet. She even gave him temporary use of a wheelchair, which Ronon gleefully pushed from the infirmary to John's quarters, at speeds that would probably been frowned upon by both Keller and Carter. 

He was in his quarters, laying comfortably on his bed reading when the door chimed. "Come in." 

He looked up to find Cameron with a six pack of beer and a smirk. "I heard you got sprung. Up for company?" 

"Yeah, come on and give me one of those." He sat up and popped the top and took a long drink while Cameron snagged a nearby chair and pulled it closer. 

"So, how long before you're back to active duty?" 

John shrugged. "At least two more weeks." He gestured at his feet and rolled his eyes. "They're being stubborn." 

Cameron nodded, drinking from his own beer before he sat back, his eyes watching John closely. "How's the memory?" 

John licked his lips and considered the question. He had the whole story now, he knew the whole truth, but the delusions still felt real. "It's weird, you know? I was so sure it was real. I should have known I was in trouble when you showed up." He froze slightly. He hadn't meant to say that. 

"Me?" Cameron asked, his eyes sparkling. 

"Delusions." John said, shaking his head. "At least you weren't wearing a tutu or anything ridiculous." He swallowed more of the beer. "And hey, you actually did show up in the end, so maybe I was just being psychic." 

Cameron laughed. "Yeah, maybe you're still delusional. You were so far gone when we found you…" He sighed and looked away. "We weren't sure we were getting you back." 

__"He knows."_ _

"From what Keller said, you almost didn't." John said, ignoring the voice behind him. "Another day and I probably wouldn't be here right now." 

"Well, good thing for you Sam got worried when Teyla radioed in and sent us through with a jumper. Only way we found you. How in the hell did you get so far on those feet?" 

John looked up, surprised. "Why, how far was it?" 

"Didn't Ronon tell you?" Cameron leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "You got through ten miles of tunnels, missed like five chances to exit, then got out nearly back where you started, at a spot where there was actually a door into an ancient facility…well, what was left of one. You weren't five feet from a ladder when we found you." 

"Damn. No wonder my feet hate me." He felt itchy, like his skin was too tight. 

__"John."_ _

He rolled his shoulders, trying to ignore the delusion. 

"You okay?" Cameron asked, suddenly concerned. 

"Yeah, tired I guess." 

"We can do this later. I should go pull Daniel out of the archive room and make him eat something and sleep some." Cameron stood, setting the remaining beers on the table beside the bed. 

"A team leader's work…" 

"Never done, am I right?" Cameron paused at the door. "I’m sparring with Ronon later, any pointers?" 

John laughed. "Yeah, don't." 

"Funny." Cameron waved as he left and John settled back with his beer. 

__"You can't keep ignoring me, John."_ _

_"Watch me."_

He had at least two weeks to convince himself that delusion!Cameron wasn't there. Two weeks for his feet to finish healing. After spending the last three weeks in the infirmary, and nearly a week lost and wandering in the dark. 

__"You're still lost, John." Cameron says. "They're going to figure it out, you know?"_ _

__"Figure what out?" he asks even though he knows he shouldn't._ _

__"That you've lost your mind. Probably left it back there in those tunnels somewhere, like your boots."_ _

He turned away and sat up, swinging his feet to the ground. It was just a leftover effect of the combination of bacteria, hallucinogenic mold spores and volcanic gases. Eventually it would go away. 

He hoped. 


End file.
